Happiness

is a blessing.
It's a miracle of life,
being happy.
It's something we take for granted every day.
We don't think about happiness,
we just are happy.
We feel alive.
We feel this height of empowerment in our veins.
When we are happy, that is.
We are emotional creatures,
a thing we yet again take for granted.
We don't think of our emotions too in depth.
Usually just I'm happy, I'm sad, etc.
This is WHY I feel this way, etc.
Being able to express love, sadness, anger, happiness.
Something we yet again don't think about as a "blessing"
but it is.
I sure as hell know I take it for granted.
Or at least, don't really think about how it's a blessing.

Because I've lived through the period where I was numb.
The point in life when I just felt absolutely no emotions.
I was an empty shell of a person, just going through the motions of daily living.
Except, I didn't want to live.
Half of the time, my thoughts were suicidal.
Part of it was stress, hating how things were school wise, stress wise, just everything.
But mostly, I just hated FEELING that way.
I loathed the feeling with a deep passion.
I felt some emotions,
but I couldn't physically show them.
I thought I was, but I wasn't.
I just couldn't stand how I was living.
I've lived with clinical depression on and off during my life,
ever since I was 13.
But I've NEVER felt something so god awful in my life.
My sense of being just felt so useless.
Worthless.
Where's the quality of life?
Being on those meds, was probably one of my lower points in life.

And yet, I'm still here.
I had a week of peace within myself.
Happiness. Emotion.
I could FEEL again.
And now I'm back into this whirlwind.
And I wonder....
If I'll ever just be able to feel free?
Or if this depression will always take over
the best of me?