Home is where my brother is.

Andrew came back to the US approx. on July 4th. He spent the first week in Vegas with Traci and their dog Jazzy.

He arrived in Iowa on July 9th around 9:30.

The first day I actually got to spend time with him was on Thursday the 12th. I met up with my family at my Grandma's assisted living home. We had a very nice hug until his back hurt him too much (he has a slipped disc from Afghanistan.) and then gave Traci a hug, then of course, Grandma.
We had a very nice visit with her. And exciting news; THE WEDDING DATE HAS BEEN SET!
June 22, 2013. JUNE 29, 2013. (date got changed)
I'm pretty excited! There's also a bridal shower in March that I'll hopefully be going to. Traci showed me the potential bridesmaids dresses, which are adorable! I guess while Andrew's back, they will do cake testing and figuring out some other details.
Anyway, after that we had a family gathering in Iowa City with some family so they could see Andrew again. Then we all departed for the evening.

Friday I worked in the morning and then came home for the weekend.
We went to Carlos O Kelly's with some of Andrew's friends and of course my immediate family. I became DD for the night, since Andrew and his friends didn't know how crazy they'd get. They weren't even that drunk and it turned out fine.

Saturday Andrew and I went to his friend Lisa's to play with Hayley Jo and Hayden (her kids). Lisa and Andrew are really good friends. Traci was going to join us, but was feeling awful from a headache. We had a lot of fun. HayJo didn't really take to me at first, but once she saw Lisa talking to me, she opened up more to the idea and began playing with me too.
They climbed trees, played in the sprinkler and on the swing set. We eventually went out seperate ways for the day, but overall it was really fun. :)
On the way there and back, Andrew and I had some heart-to-heart serious talks, which was actually kind of nice. He told me if I find a date for the wedding, he'll talk to my mom and dad so that I can have my someone go with me, because he thinks it's not fair. So hopefully I can find that special someone (<3)

 Maya, Andrew, HayJo.

 Hayden and Andrew. :)

Andrew, HayJo (left) and her friend Maya.

That night we went to Pizza hut and ate (yum) and saw Ted. Granted, it was my second time seeing it but it was still really funny. Then we went back to the house, and I went and hung out with my friend Coleton, dyed his hair, and talked with my friend Chey.

Sunday was Brian's birthday. I guess Andrew and Traci sang to him at midnight. Haha. Of course we had to go to church. But my mom was a happy momma to have the entire family there. Afterwards we went to Gator's to eat, but no birthday song for Brian. Traci and I went to go get him a George Foreman grill for his gift, got some sister bonding in there. We also had some heart-to-hearts which was nice. Brian headed out shortly after and it was a pretty relaxed afternoon of nothingness. So I caught up on my Glee Project.

That night Andrew and Traci were being dumb. I guess they were being silly and Traci ended up laughing so hard that when she stopped she was coughing. She was concerned that she was having a stroke.... Which she obviously wasn't. And then she told me she doesn't believe in soulmates. When I asked her what Andrew was to her then, her response was "Lesbian Life Partner."

Monday I said my goodbyes, and hopefully I'll see Traci again in March (if not sooner).

It was really great having my brother home, and even more of a relief that he's in a safer place now. He will probably be leaving Germany in the next year since the base is closing, so he will be reassigned.

Thank god for my brother and future sister. <3

Literally moving forward: Starting a completely new chapter

Well, a few significant things have occurred it seems.

First off, I started talking to this girl after turning down another because I felt absolutely nothing with her. She showed dangerous signs that I recognized, and backed down before it got serious. and i'm honestly proud of myself for that at least. I have found strength through this break up to know what IS best for me and what I deserve.
Well anyway, this girl right? Absolutely incredible. Granted, yeah she struggles with depression. And she said she wishes she could make me as happy as I make her. But I'm a simple person. We hung out a few times. And I felt a sincere connection... like I can't even explain it. But through the little things, she's showed me that deep down somewhere, there is someone truly incredible. So I began to like her. At the same time though, I kept my guard up so I wouldn't fall too hard, too fast. But I was convinced that there was a possibility of something happening between us.
Well, a few days ago, she friendzoned me. It was completely out of the blue and unexpected. It was bad timing really since I've been under SO much stress lately, and especially because with her... I actually began to feel somewhat normal again. I began feeling more than just "okay" every day. I started to get by a little better, and feeling something other than numbness or depression. I was calmer, and a lot more relaxed. I was beginning to warm up to the idea of someone else entering my life. And I thought things were going well.
At the end of the day, I understand that I can't force anyone to feel the same way I do about them. And all I can do is keep going, and hope that I'll cross paths with someone else who is absolutely amazing and can turn my world around. So I keep this slight hope up, but at the same time, I'm also losing a lot of my trust in it and becoming more pessimistic... which is probably bad since I'm such a hopeless romantic.
Even though now she confuses the hell out of me by sending mixed signals.

But anywho, my next dilemma is the bigger one.
It's been my main stresser for the past two weeks, and it sucks.

Unfortunately, I did NOT pass my Biology class like I needed to.
So now, I'm very sadly looking at possibly transferring schools.
I may or may not stay at MMU. Which sucks. All my friends are there already, but I just wonder if I'll actually be able to stay at this point or not.
So I put in applications to Clarke and DMACC.
And it's this huuuuuge toss up because the three possibilities have great potential to them.
It's super stressful and ultimately, I'm probably going to get hurt in one way or another.
It also sucks, because I feel so alone in my decision making process. Everyone seems to have their own bias towards a certain decision, whether they think they are or not. They don't realize the subtle hints and guilt trips.
So I basically vent it out, and then shut out everyone after. The second someone says ANYTHING about a decision, I turn my ears off. For once, I need to make a decision for me. And not for anyone else. It's hard enough as it is without hearing everyone's voice on it.
I'm just not in a very good place right now.
It's going to be such a hard decision.
And it's even worse, because right now,
I'm in this alone.