Moving Forward

Today, I went into the hair salon, just expecting to take a few inches off.

Initially, Kim (my hairdresser), just started off with it a little above my shoulders.
Something happened in the moment that I looked at it.

I looked at her and said, "Just take it all off. I feel bold, so let's just go with it."

I watched in anticipation, as I slowly watched my hair vanish from my head and onto the floor. Before I knew it, I had an adorable "edgy" bob. My hair hasn't been short since my junior year of high school- almost 3 years.

In that moment, seeing it, I was in complete shock, but loved the new look.
And then I saw it as;
Good bye long hair....
and hello to the new me.
I needed change in my life.
Something to just wake me up and realize that everything's different, but that I'm still me.

I absolutely love my hair.
I feel like it's a step in a positive direction.
I'm hoping from here on now, I can start making some changes.

All the drama- gone. I'm almost 20 years old. I don't want to deal with the drama that happens in high school. If people don't like me, it's simple: Delete me from your life.
If you hate me, noone is MAKING you hate me. Only you are making you hate me. I would know, because I've been hating myself for awhile now. And I'm the ONLY person stopping me from it.
If you honestly hate me that much, then why am I even on your friends list anymore? Just delete me. Simple as that.

Another positive step: I'm going to STOP hating me. I'm going to work on loving myself again. Seeing my positive traits, seeing my inner and outer beauty.

Which brings me to maintaining a good body, but being healthy with it.
Today I saw my friend Katie (yay!) and she told me something that I didn't realize because I was so busy hating myself and just beating myself up.
Apparently at the end of the school year, I was looking unhealthy. I was becoming scrawny, and lost my natural glow. I was lifeless, and wasting away.
I want to stay at a healthy weight, and feel good about my body, but I don't want to do it the wrong way. It might be hard to get use to loving my body the way it is, but I'm hoping I'll get around to it.

I've been dragging myself down too much lately.
It's time for me to be, well, me again.

As my favorite phrase goes;
C'est La Vie.
Such Is Life.

And it's time for me to move forward, and strive to be the best I can be.

I can only make myself stronger, now that I'm picking myself off the concrete, and letting the scrapes from the fall heal.

Living, Imagation, Dreaming, and Loving.

Live (your life to the fullest.)
Imagine (and be creative to your full ability)
Dream (of the goals and hopes)
Love (even when it all seems lost).

This is a safe space for my thoughts. A place where I can put all my hopes, thoughts, feelings down, away from the normal world, and be inspired without judgement.

I've been going through a lot lately, mentally and physically. It's hard on me to deal with everything. And it's nice to be able to release some tension through the best way I know how- writing.

Through this healing process, I'm hoping that somehow writing and letting it inspire me instead of bring me down, will help me continuously get better through this rough patch. Who knows, maybe it'll be continuous. Right now, I know it's just baby steps.

This might not even just be a release blog. Who knows what I'll actually do with it until I do it, right?

God will show me the way through this, and help me as He has in the past.

or so that's the hope.
The saying at the top of this? My own words. Something to try to give myself to think about when it seems all hopeless, as it does on my bad days.

It's something to remind me that when I feel there's nothing left inside, if I place my hand on my chest, as long as I feel that pulse against my palm, I have a purpose and that's my reason to keep going.

That saying gives me hope.
And I will continue on.
And maybe, something amazing will come out of this.
It's a day by day process,
And I'm determined to come out strong yet again.